Thursday, March 2, 2017

When A Stranger Calls

"You want to buy what?!"
Back in January 2014, we had our own version of envelope-gate when my sweet daddy's final invitation to the Academy Awards went missing. Rather than question the envelope-schleppers of Price Waterhouse, I interrogated the night nurse.

Here's what happens when nurses who work the night shift caring for your father get a hold of your phone number, in case of emergency:
"Hello, is this Carol?"
"Hi, Carol, it's Mavis, the night nurse."
"Oh, hi, Mavis.  I was going to call you."
"You were?"
"By any chance did you happen to see my father's invitation to the Academy Awards?"
"No, I don't believe I saw that."
"It was the last one he'll ever receive.  We wanted to keep it as a memento.  It was in a black engraved envelope.  The invitation is gone."
"I don't believe I saw it."
"By any chance did you see that pamphlet on grieving and bible study and resurrection someone left on the top of the pile where the invitation to the Academy Awards had been?"
"Let me think about that.  I do believe I saw the pamphlet."
"Did you put it there, Mavis?"
"Oh, no, I don't believe I did."
"I just wanted to call and tell you I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you."
"And I wanted to ask you a question."
"I was wondering if I could buy your father's treadmill."
"His what?"
"His treadmill.  I would just love to have a treadmill."
"So you can get in shape for the Academy Awards?"
"I don't believe I'm going to the Academy Awards."
"I think we'll keep the treadmill in the family, Mavis."
"You take care, now."
"Thanks for calling.  We'll be looking for you on the red carpet."
( Some parts of this conversation may be slightly altered and moderately exaggerated.  But you get the gist.) 1-22-14


  1. Nothing surprises me at this point - but ... so tacky! So wrong!