Monday, March 27, 2017

The Next Big Thing

Pooping on Patio Chairs. In my backyard, this goes on for months. The birds of Sherman Oaks keep using my patio chairs as their personal porta-potties. Well. The SJG is not amused. I don't wish to look out and see bird crap on my patio chairs. I don't wish to sit on patio chairs adorned with bird crap. I'm so done with bird crap. Done, I tell ya. I'll have you know it's ruffling my eff'n feathers. Call me obsessive (you wouldn't be the first) but instead of working on my long-gestating bestselling Beach Read, my fun and uplifting, page-turning ouevre, I spend my time rearranging the patio chairs in an effort to dodge the afore-mentioned angry bird droppings. It is my private Titanic. I ask you:  isn't it enough that I must scoop Sir Blakey's poop into Doggy Duty recyclables on a daily basis?What am I, the maven of waste disposal? Maybe I wouldn't kvetch so much if they made a similar depository for birds, something scented with E-Z ties. Whoa. Hang on a second, sistah. I may have stumbled onto something huge.   can see it now: Birdy Booty Bags. A new eco-friendly product, courtesy of, who else, the SJG (patent pending). Oh, hell yes, I'm gonna make dollars off of bird sh*t if it's the last thing I doo-doo.

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