Saturday, March 18, 2017

Where Things Go

The moment I walked into Schvitz! I was on a mission. In my hand I held a banana peel and the wrapper of a rapidly-consumed tasty protein bar. Is there anyone out there who doesn't love a tasty protein bar? If so, what's wrong with you? A protein bar is basically a delicious candy bar masquerading as a healthy choice. Normally, I don't like to enter any venue carrying garbage. It's beneath me. But I didn't want to come back to a car stinking of banana peel. Banana Peel Stink in a hot car is not my go-to aroma. So, into Schvitz! I walked, with the afore-mentioned evidence of my "protein" snack, and spotted a trash can by the door. Well, lucky me. Except there was a sign over the trash can that said "Towels." A long-ago college grad of moderate academic achievement, I knew instantly that tossing the wrapper and peel into this particular receptacle would be, how they say, a No-No. The thought of getting kicked out of Schvitz! on my can for a trash violation was too much for my keppy to contain. I wasn't about to go there. I just wasn't! So I took a few more steps and there was another trash can, but with no sign. No sign! I looked straight at the can, then at the nice lady at the front desk, and with great earnestness, asked, "Is that a trash can?" She bit her lip, trying not to laugh at me. "Uh-huh." "Wow, I bet that sounded stupid. I mean, duh, obviously, it's a trash can. But in this gym, there are trash cans marked Towels,"trash cans marks Recyclables,"and for actual trash, there are no signs. Which trash can is this?" 'It's for a trash." "Thank God," I said, depositing my trash in the undesignated trash can. In this mad, mad world, every now and then, it's important to know where things go.

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