Is it weird that I like to snuggle trees? I get such unconditional love from trees. Trees let me lean on them while I contemplate my pipik, poetically. Trees don't give me a hard time for my life choices. Trees don't make fun of me for wearing Earth Shoes. But my family keeps threatening to abandon me in the forest and let me rot there for eternity. What should I do?
Thanks,
Birch Babe
Listen, when it comes to trees, I'm a huge fan. That said, tree-wise, you do sound a little mischuggie, not to mention, lonely. No offense, but I don't blame your family for wanting to dump you in the woods and move on with their lives. Here's an idea. Instead of leaning on trees for comfort, why not lean on a nice human for a change? What I'm saying is, you need to get out more. And I've got the perfect dating app where you can meet other tree-huggers. It's called Timber.
You're Welcome,
The SJG
Happy Earth Day, Birches!
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