Put Your Money Where Your Basket Is?

Wait, sorry, that's not the expression. Last night at the sushi place, the waiter respectfully picked my handbag off the floor and placed it in a basket. "A purse on the floor is money out the door," he said. "Say what now?" "In Feng Shui, it is bad luck to put your purse on the floor. It means your money will fly out the door." "Oy vey, my whole life, I never knew this." He bowed and went on his waiterly way. But I wasn't done with this theory. I turned to longtime hubby, 100 percent ferklempt (or if you prefer, verklempt.) "Did you know this and not tell me?" "I didn't." Just between us, it's so hard to find something that he doesn't know, I wasn't unreasonably ecstatic, but only for a moment. I still had the whole "purse on the floor" thing to unpack. "I'm always putting my purse on the floor." "You need to stop doing that." "But you don't understand. When I'm enmeshed in any of my many fitness endeavors, flashing the jazz hands, spinning the wheels, stretching the aging body like a humble warrior, lifting the Bang Ball... did I leave anything out?" "What? Sorry?"

Just between us, sometimes longtime hubby's attention wanders, but only when I'm talking to him. "I'm telling you I'm often forced to put my purse on the floor. I knew it was a disgusting locale, and I've learned to accept it. But to know this simple act of resignation has meant near-financial ruin, well -- " "Do you have any proof of that?" "Of what?" I said, the Saki taking hold. "Of financial ruin?" Bring up money and he snaps to attention. "Well, no but -- " "Oh, good, there they are," he said, waving hello to our friends, thinking we were done with this talk of superstition. Fat chance. The minute they sat down, I relaunched the topic. "I keep my handbag on my lap," said the wife, "and money still flies out the door." "Aw, but is your handbag open or closed at the time?" "It depends." At which point, I realized I'd completely exhausted this subject, and, from the looks on their faces, everyone else at the table. It was time to move on to cheerier topics. Like... um... full disclosure. We didn't find a cheery topic. So we talked about life, instead.