Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Advice for the Hollywood Lovelorn

Splitsville
Dear SJG,
The Canadian I live with, make that lived with, aka People's Sexiest Man of the Year, and I have decided to end our starter marriage of two years.  We'd like to remain friends.  Do you think that's possible?
Just wondering,
Scarlett

Kaputski

Dear Scarlett,
The chances of you and Ryan staying friends are about as good as the SJG winning a Golden Globe for Best Performance by a Short Jew.  Dustin Hoffman already won that one a while back. 
You're welcome,
The SJG

Dear SJG,
After wracking my brain, thinking, 'Why am I not out there playing the field?' I went ahead and dumped my girlfriend of four years.  She's a sweet girl, but I'm ready to share the wealth, if you know what I mean.  As a parting gift, I'm thinking of giving her a Minnie Mouse soap-on-a-rope for Christmas, unless you can think of something a little less personal. 
Thanks,
Zac

Dear Zac,
By all means, give Vanessa the soap-on-a-rope, so she can tell you exactly where to stick it. 
You're welcome,
The SJG

6 comments:

  1. How would these celebs carry on without you?

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  3. BG, it is a mystery. And thanks, oldest bro. Better than being funny-looking.

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  4. I believe I may have been the cause of both of these break ups. Do not tell my boyfriend...

    What do you mean "in my dreams"? How dare you.

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