Zodiac Attack

Bad Capricorn:  Sounds about right for the SJG

Just in time for my birthday, Zodiac panic has swept the nation.  Like 99 percent of things in life, I take this personally.  I see it as karmic comeuppance.  Long ago, I'm talking 1979ish, my first job out of college was at 'Teen Magazine, headquartered on Sunset Boulevard.  As an editorial assistant, I had many important tasks to perform.  I answered phones, I walked the publisher's dog, I made coffee, I sorted through truckloads of mail, and -- brace yourselves -- I made up the horoscope column.

I had no idea what I was doing, but one month I got it right for an entire junior high class (they wrote me a thank you note full of xxxx's and ooooo's) so clearly, I had some sort of gift.  The gift for B.S.  But this whole Hysterica Astrologica is all a big pile of kaka, people. The SJG wants to assure you that your made-up horoscopes will not change.  Scientists have known about this Zodiac change since 130 B.C.  Western astrology is based on equinoxes, so if you're a Capricorn, like the SJG, you're still a Capricorn.  See.  So relax and go about your business in an orderly fashion.  Don't you feel better?  You're welcome.