Beautification Begins In Sherman Oaks

... starts at home, one home, in particular. 

(Sherman Oaks) Newly-reelected representatives from that place called the Valley have found extra funds in their annual budget and have voted, unanimously, to throw some love in the direction of the Short Jewish Gal.  "The beautification of the Short Jewish Gal is an expensive, on-going, never-ending project.  What it takes to keep her looking presentable and lovely, 24/7 -- you have no idea," said Rep. Sarah Jackman.  "What it costs just to keep those highlights in her hair, you don't want to know.  The makeup, the wardrobe needs, the self-pampering she indulges in, daily, we're tired of hearing her ask for more, more, more.  Last month, she made a heartfelt plea and we decided, rather than put up with her endless kvetching, we'd just cave and write her a check and shut her up.  We gave her a choice.  You want money to repair your street, or your hair? It's up to you.  Without missing a beat, she opted for self-beautification, and threw her own street under the bus."