Five Stages Of Waking Up

Stage 1:  This is the transition phase, the nicest stage of waking up, when you remember what you were just dreaming about, and it was really fun, so you tell yourself, hurry, go back to sleep, before someone asks you to do something for them.
Stage 2:   Your brain activity starts to crank, you feel groggy and can't focus.  You're half-awake, you need to pee, but you can hold it a little longer.  Stay in bed, silly.
Stage 3.  You're definitely awake, dammit.  A slow wave of dread washes over you, reminding you of all the dumb things you have to do today. You really need to pee now, don't you?
Stage 4:  You make a move to get up.  You become aware of all your aches and pains.  You feel about 180 years old.  Who are you kidding? You may be awake, but you're still immobile.
Stage 5:  Also known as O.S.I.G.G.U. (Oh, Sh*t, I Gotta Get Up).  If you wait one more second, you're going to wet the bed.  So you limp and weave your way to the bathroom.  You give a good flush, and then another.  Low-flow toilets.  Don't get me started.  Then you glance at yourself in the mirror.  A look of horror comes over you.  Who is that staring back at you?  You don't know that person with the wrinkles and the bags under her eyes and the crazy hair. You hobble back to bed and hide from reality just a little longer.