Sunday, May 1, 2016

Are You Sitting Down?

Are you sitting down?  I am.  Maybe you are, too.  Chances are good that you are not pole vaulting, ziplining, high diving, rappelling, pirouetting, juggling or jitter-bugging while reading this, the only blog you need to get your day started, properly.  And yet, people on the phone keep asking: "Are you sitting down?" People, people, people. Stop asking this. Every time the asker asks this, he/she is setting up the askee for a big letdown.  It is the SJG's personal experience that the news that follows is never that exciting, except in the delusional mind of the asker. Why should I sit for a letdown?  I'd rather pace back and forth and curse you under my breath for bothering me.  When someone asks, "Are you sitting down?" all I can say is, "No, I'm doing the laundry.  What else would I be doing?"  Or, "No, I'm putting the groceries away." Then the asker is obligated to say, "Sit down." Great. Now I'm thinking it's not going to be the letdown I'm expecting, but something awful and altogether tragic:  "The mail man just tripped on your sprinkler head and plotzed on your fancy, paved driveway. You're being sued by the U.S. Postal Service for 88 million dollars." So please, you askers out there.  Stop asking, "Are you sitting down?"  How about cutting to the chase, instead:  "Do you have some time to talk?  I heard about something you might be interested in."  Or, "I've got some upsetting news.  A meteor is about to fall on your house.  It was nice knowing you."

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