Lose It Fast

1.  Stand in front of a bookshelf. You still have one, don't you? Or did you turn it into a wet bar?
2.  Find all the diet books that never helped you shed an ounce.  
3.  Remove them, one at a time, for dramatic effect. All that bending and yanking. Already, you're burning calories and feeling better about yourself.
4.  Make a nice stack on the floor. Pile 'em high, girlfriend.
5.  Run upstairs and find the scale you hid behind the laundry basket.
6.  Run downstairs. You just burned another 2,000 calories, give or take.
7.  Run back upstairs again. You forgot the scale, silly. I know, I know. It's a lot to remember.
8.  Come back down. See? You're so good at following instructions. Now weigh each diet book on the scale. Total it all up. Heavier than you thought, right? Maybe the books are retaining water.
9.  Go outside and dump all the diet books in the trash bin.
10. Bam! You just lost 10 pounds fast! Wasn't that easy? I'm here to help.