Take A Memo

Sometimes you just gotta get tough with your staff. Sometimes you gotta write a memo to keep your poorly-paid peeps in line. I now present my heartfelt missive to my main go-fer in hopes that he gets his sh*t together. 

Good morning, Sir Blakey.
I’d like you to review the following notes and rules. I don't care whether you can read or not. 
When I'm working on my intergalactically-adored blog, no barking. 
Do not sit at my feet and whine. It's beneath you. 
Do not steal my comfy slippers.
My security team will stop you. 
No begging for a taste of toast. 
No sharing my coffee.
Get your own. 
Do not ambush me with kisses or lick my toes while I'm blogging. 
Please make an appointment for affection. 
Do not ambush the SJG Crystal Shrine with exuberant tail-wagging. 
You break it, you pay for it. 

Do not barge into my personal headspace. 

Either knock or use the doorbell.

If you want a walk, a snack, a moment of my attention, you must schedule an appointment.
If you continue to selfishly distract me, my security team will berate you. 
I've been too lenient. NO MORE. I mean no offense. This is for your own good, and mine. 

Thank you,
The SJG