(Sherman Oaks) The Short Jewish Gal, Chief Executive Kvetcher of global giant SJGCo, says she wants to solve women's "least favorite things" about Extra Crunchy Kugel Bites, by developing a quieter, daintier, less manly version of her widely popular snack. "Online, they sold out in a minute and a half, pre-Super Bowl. In Gelson's, they caused a riot. Personally, I'm kvelling," she said in an interview with SJG-TV's
Fressernomics. "But the truth is, and this may sting a bit, men and women eat my delicious kugel bites differently. Men, who are basically pigs, no offense, lick their fingers like they were raised in a barn. Have you seen the way they pour the last few broken kugel crunchies from the bag into their mouths? God forbid they should miss a morsel. It's gross. Who raised these animals? Does anyone know? But women... please! Women don't like to crunch too loudly because it could bust an eardrum, and who needs that, not to mention, it's beneath them. We gals didn't spend all those years at cotillion only to smack our lips and lick our fingers. It's altogether uncouth. So, the people are asking me, the mah-jongg ladies in particular, to develop two versions of my award-winning kugel bites. For the men, I'm thinking Extra Crunchy Glow In The Dark Kugel Bites, so they'll eat them in the dark and watch them glow cuz men are so easily amused, and even better, no one has to witness the spectacle. And for the ladies, Low-Crunch, Low-Crumb, Low-Cal, Purse-Size Kugelies for the gals on the go who need a nice snack with an adorable name. Am I on to something great, or what?" When told that the Internet has responded unkindly to her idea, deeming it "lame-ass and stupid and an insulting, misguided marketing ploy that sets women back thousands of years," she said, "Oh, get over yourselves, for eff's sake. To anyone who doesn’t approve, may you grow like an onion with your head in the ground."
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