Ice Cream Headache

The Short Jewish Gal recently spoke to Nu? TV at the 6th Annual Pipik-Gazing Gala in swanky Encino, where she got candid about her search for the perfect ice cream that's more or less real, or a close approximation thereof. "You know," the SJG said, "it's very different at my age. It's like, when you're young, no problem. You want to eat a pint of real ice cream, you eat a pint. Then you don't eat again for three weeks and you're fine. You step on the scale, you haven't gained an ounce. You're a little dehydrated, a little weak, but you'll live. At this age, it's not as easy to survive on three weeks of air. So you say, eff it, you eat the pint of real ice cream, your blood sugar goes through the roof, you wind up borderline diabetic and so bloated and gassy, you have to admit to yourself and anyone willing to get without two blocks of you, that you've become... oh, this is painful to admit, lactose intolerant. Is it time to switch to dairy-free? God forbid."

The mother of two, the wife of one, the dog owner of a royal rescue pup (of questionable lineage) says she's currently trying fat-free alternative ice creams, but there's a hitch. "They're disgusting. The other day, I tried one that was made out of old balloons. Sure, it filled me up, but not in a good way. So, at the moment, I'm not seeing any ice cream, fake or otherwise, that makes me happy."