First SJG Middle School Graduation

At SJG Middle School, we love a pop of color.

(Sherman Oaks) Today heralds the first graduating class of SJG Middle School, a boutique learning center where short, curvy gals can learn key survival skills, such as how to think and act taller, how to dress taller, how to talk taller, and how to reach impossibly high shelves in the market without breaking a pickle jar or a collar bone. "I went through school trying to fit in with the tall gals," says SJG Middle School founder, the SJG. "I walked around on my tippy toes.  I wore high heels. I hung upside down from the monkey bars like a freak. I went to a height specialist. I took vitamins. I did anything to make myself taller. And guess what?  It didn't worked. At 60, I've just now realized that I'm never going to be any taller than I was at 12. And yet, I'm so proud of my short gals, moving on to high school, with their heads held as high as they'll go. These shorties are ready to reach new heights, metaphorically and academically, and God willing, their new lockers, thanks to the bedazzled step stools we're handing out today, along with the nice sparkly diplomas."

At SJG Middle School, you get extra credit for bedazzling. 

"These gals, each one menschier than the next, are going places, let me tell you. I can't help but kvell and take total credit for making them feel special in a world that makes everything out of reach. If only someone had shared these secrets with me sooner. A teacher, a guidance counselor, a rabbi maybe. If only I'd gone to a liberal-minded school devoted to short gals, who knows where I might be today. I might've learned how to handle myself better in tall situations. I might've learned to accept myself 'ass is.'  I might've developed major 'tude at an earlier age. I might've started my own clothing line called Short Gals With Booty. I might be starring in my own reality show, ' The Short Bitches of Sherman Oaks. ' I figure, why should other shorties suffer the same indignities growing up -- up being a relative term. Naturally, I blame genetics." Enrollment is limited to gals under 5'2," although 5'2 and a half might be considered, if the student brings bagels and lox every Friday.  SJG Middle School still has a few spaces left for fall. Applications available online. So hurry.  The bell just rang. You're already late to class. And to the first graduating class of SJG Middle School, a hearty Mazel Tov!