Call Me By My Nickname

It's my personal belief that everyone should give themselves at least two nicknames as they navigate through life. If you wait for others to nickname you, the moniker may be uninspired, if not altogether mean-spirited. I speak from personal experience. As an exchange student in England back in 1970-something, one of my drunken British housemates inscribed this in my bread within a day of my arrival: "American Wanker." Well, I never! Instead of crumbling amidst such cruelty, packing up and returning to Westwood, as he expected, I decided to laugh like a hyena in heat. Good decision. The joy of calling me "American Wanker" lost its zing, and he soon went back to calling me "The American."

When I started my galactically-embraced blog, I named myself Short Jewish Gal, or SJG for short, because that pretty much sums me up. Had I started this blog back in 1970-something, I might've named myself Short Jewish Woman. In the '70s, you see, we didn't want to be called girls or gals. It sounded demeaning. So we spent a lot of time chastising the menfolk, which was fun. "It's woman. Not girl. Woman!" But after a certain age, I've been so happy to be called girl or gal. It just makes me feel younger. And while I've always been proud to be Jewish, I can't say I've felt that same pride in my height. Into my 30s, I kept expecting a growth spurt. "Give me an inch!" I'd pray at night. "Give me half an inch and I'll be happy." So that didn't happen. At some point, I figured I might as well accept that I'm short and getting shorter. Better I should call myself Short than have you call me Shrimp. Plus, Shrimp Jewish Gal just sounds wrong.

Recently, I've given myself another nickname. My wonderful and hilarious writing students, a great bunch of seniors who keep reminding me I'm rapidly become a senior myself -- to which I reply, "How dare you!" -- call me Rabbi Carol. Mainly because I sign my emails "xo Rabbi Carol." Sure, I may have flunked confirmation, and the whole Hebrew thing eludes me. And yet, the way I dole out advice, the wisdom I impart, the guidance I offer, and the nice cookies I bring to class, qualifies me, rabbinically, don't you think? So, if you see me on the street, or more than likely, in Gelson's, call me SJG, or call me Rabbi Carol. These days, I answer to either. Call me American Wanker and I'll kick you in the cojones.