Dim Some Near Me

"What do you want for your 60th?"
"You don't have to get me anything."
"I want to get you something. You got me something."
"What did I get you?"
"I can't remember, but I'm sure it was nice."
"I probably spent a lot of money."
"I'm sure you did, and I'd like to match, if not top, your generosity."
"Oh, you. Still competitive after all these years."
"You bet your sweet bippy. So tell me, what would you like?"
"A dimmer switch."
"For a light fixture?"
"For Me. I'm the fixture."
"Okay. How will that work?"
"It needs to be portable, so I can schlep it with me wherever I go."
"Surgically attached or battery powered?"
"Skip the anesthesia. I'll take battery powered. When I'm feeling my least attractive, no matter the locale, I can just dim the lights and voila, I'm instantly younger, and a little bit harder to see."
"And bathed in mood lighting."
"Exactly."
"A universal self-dimmer."
"Yes!"
"This is genius."
"I bet you wish you'd thought of it."
"Has anyone mentioned you're getting bitchier with age?"
"Not to my face."