Wardrobe Malfunction On Aisle 2

It's been a week of birthday-related overeating that may or may not have led to a serious wardrobe malfunction in suburbia. Yesterday, the SJG suffered a big one right in Gelson's, my personal homeland. Oh, the shanda of it all. Thankfully, I realized immediately what had happened and candidly told the Sushi Guy, "Oy gevalt, my zipper's down. Piece of kaka, this zipper. I blame Calvin Klein. I swear on the Torah this bupkis zipper was up when I left the house." The Sushi Guy stared at me, unable to decipher my Yiddish. "California Roll?" "Sure, why not," I said, zipping up, "and throw in some of that edamame. It's so delish." The Sushi Guy bowed as he gave me the order. If only the menfolk in my life would bow more often in my presence. Then a nice thing happened. An old woman pushing her cart stopped by and handed me a safety pin. "Listen, doll, this little baby will keep your business to yourself.  I keep a stash on me at all times." With that, she disappeared down Aisle 6, in search of sugar-free cookies.