Dream State: Celebrity Edition

"Why am I in your dream?"

Every now and then, a famous Hollywood type pops into my dreams, uninvited. Why this happens remains a mystery. I mean, how many times does as a gal have to tell her publicist, "Hey, no celeb pops-ins without a formal invite and my written consent?" The SJG Deep Dream State is a scary place, a topsy turvy exploration of my psyche, a troublesome peek at the mishegas that defines your humble blogger. Enter at your own risk. So, last night, or maybe early this morning, the multi-talented Jason Bateman dropped in for a visit. All I know is this: Jason Bateman's directing a movie,  and using my dream for one of his locations. And I'm acting as his assistant. This I know because in the dream, I tell him, "I'm your assistant." And he says, "Great. Keep me company." And I say, "Oh, I plan to." We get along swimmingly, so much so that at one point, I say to J.B, "Oh my god, I have to tell you the famous asparagus joke."

And J.B. says, "There's a famous asparagus joke?" "Yes, there is," I say, "and I'm going to tell you it right now." "I'm listening," he says. Well, now things go completely off script. I can't tell the joke right to save my tush: "There's a gathering, and everyone wants to know what's for dinner, and when they find out it's asparagus, they start yelling and throwing things and wait, that's not how the joke goes." "And action!" yells J.B. Then: "Keep going, I have to know how this joke ends." "Okay, well, I need to start over." "That's cool." "Okay, so.... so..."

And then, darnie-poo, I woke up and never got to tell Jason Bateman the famous asparagus joke, courtesy of the late Steve Landesberg, but it goes something like this: "You wanna know why the suicide rate is so high in Sweden? The husband comes home from work and says, 'What's for dinner, snookums? Asparagus?! Not again?' " Then you point your finger at your head and make the sound of a gun going off.  Ka-boom.

That's the famous asparagus joke (not again!). I'm pretty sure Jason Bateman would've laughed his keppy off in my dream if I'd told it, correctly. But now we'll never know, will we? As for the meaning of my Jason Bateman dream, your guess is as good as mine, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.