The Key To Longevity

(Sherman Oaks) The Short Jewish Gal, self-appointed, highly-acclaimed blogging sensation, has recently found the key to a nice long life, and she couldn't wait to share it with her devoted readers. So, she gathered a few thousand media influencers, forced them to find the afikomen somewhere on the grounds of her palatial estate, and then revealed her groundbreaking, earth-shattering, game-changing recipe: "Hold on to your Easter Bunnies, all you emerging adults! Here it is, in plain English, with maybe a little Yiddish thrown in for good measure. The secret is cookies. You heard me. Cookies. All those early formative years we were told to eat our spinach? What kind of bupkis advice was that? All we got in return was icky green stuff stuck in our teeth, and, in my own case, intestinal issues I won't go into, because I'm far too classy to discuss farts in public. I'm telling you that cookies, not just one, but as many as you can shove on a festive decorative plate, are the top ingredient. How do I know this? I just know things. That is my gift. Plus, I've been teaching the greatest group of mensches who aren't exactly spring chickens, and I see the evidence, weekly. I'm not just the teacher. I'm the room mother, too. Which means I bring the cookies. Sometimes I splurge and get a pound from Gelson's bakery. Sometimes I totally cheap out, and get whatever greets me at eye level. Bakery or Pepperidge Farm, it makes no diff. These senior citizens consume vast quantities of cookies. Avoid sugar? Puleeze. Not once have I heard 'no thanks, I'm diabetic.' Or, God forbid, 'I've given up gluten.' So, listen up, youngsters. Stop with the master cleanses and the kompucha, the quinoa and the probiotics. You wanna make it to 100? Fress a cookie or two or better yet three."

L'chaim!