Sunday, March 4, 2018

Let's Watch The Oscars

I like the bring my own TV to the party. 

The SJG predicts the following may or may not happen while watching the Academy Awards at Cuzzie & Sissy's sprawling westside kibbutz: The lengthy show will be paused 15 times, minimum, to allow various members of the extended mishpocha the opportunity to nosh on something wonderful, refill on alcohol and/or visit the poshly-appointed lavatory.
The questionable style choices of celebrities walking the Red Carpet, sitting in the audience and/or appearing on stage will undergo harsh and hurtful shaming. Post-Oscars, the level of guilt for the afore-mentioned fashion bashing will be non-existent. The Jewish nominees (Daniel Day Lewis, Timothee Chalamet, I'm looking at you) will be kvelled over, briefly and enthusiastically, even when they don't win, because as everyone knows, it's an honor to be nominated. Awkward speeches, awkward moments, awkward anything will be relished and relived, verbatim, throughout the evening. Musical numbers, in particular, will be in danger of repeated mockery. Let's face it, those of us who gather, almost annually, to watch and rudely critique the Oscars at Cuzzie & Sissy's are a tough crowd to please.

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