Just Go Already

Just go already. 

Oh dear God, why did I get hooked again? I promised myself I wouldn't, and I made good on that promise for a while, but then, prodded by the newlyweds, I caved. So here it is, my confession. I watched the whole damn thing. I tried to get out of it, I really did. I even sat the lovebirds down and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do it." They countered with, "You can and you will." Well, there went my will power. So fine, go ahead and judge me. But the truth is, I've cringe-watched "The Bachelor" once again, as if the world isn't cringe-worthy enough on its own, including last night's epic shanda with the handsome race car driver and the two lovely ladies who split his heart in half. How many times can one dude say, "I love them both"? So many times, you could lose your mind. I almost did. But then, I kept watching and waiting for a decision. His family certainly didn't help matters. They loved both gals, too. He went with the one they thought made the most sense. "She'll kick you in the ass when you need it," said Arie Jr.'s dad, Arie Sr. And so, he picked Becca, the nice gal from Minnesota, informing Lauren, the nice gal from Virginia Beach, "I love you, but in terms of an $80,000 Neil Lane engagement ring, you get bupkis." Lauren left Peru, as one does, confused. Can you blame her? But wait, hold on to your tallis! Arie Jr. changed his mind again. "Sorry Becca, but I need the Neil Lane back, I'm still in love with Lauren."

And Becca said, "Are you @#$%'n kidding me?" Apparently, he wasn't, for the whole season, he showed no sense of humor. Why start now? The whole "history-making" break-up debacle was presented "unedited" and let me tell you, it was painful to watch. "Just go," Becca said. "Okay, I'll go," Arie Jr. said. Then he sat there as she cried so quietly, I couldn't believe it. She was a total mensch, given the circumstances. The SJG would've screamed, yelled, kicked and hurled so many bleep you's, I would've set a record. But Becca just sat there, sniffling, and said, "Just go." So he'd go, then turn around and come back. "Are you okay?" "No. I'm humiliated. Don't touch me. Just go."

Oh, the heartbreak, the humiliation. 

It took a number of tries, because exiting seemed difficult for Arie Jr., but finally, he went, and thank God for that. Tonight, he'll keep going, all the way to Virginia Beach, to woo back Lauren, who, if she has any dignity left, will tell him to bleep off. But she won't.  Because she loves him. And guess who'll be watching the whole damn thing? The SJG, of course. And the newlyweds, but that goes without saying.