Monday, March 21, 2011

Get Off The Thin Mints

A size-6 former Mrs. Sherman Oaks beauty queen is fighting in court to get her tiara back after claiming that pageant officials harassed her for packing on the pounds.
Dethroned Mrs. Sherman Oaks Carol Starr Schneider, aka the SJG, claimed pageant organizers told her to "get off the thin mints" because the beauty no longer looked good in a bikini, the Associated Press reported.

Linda Bloomstein, president of the Mrs. Sherman Oaks organization, said that a recent bikini photo of the SJG yielded "unusable" pictures and couldn't be airbrushed, because the once-stunning mother of two gained a couple pounds of Girl Scout cookie tonnage.  "I couldn't help myself," said the SJG.  "They're so good."

But Bloomstein says they stripped the Mrs. Sherman Oaks 2011 sash from the not-even-5-foot-2 brunette, "because she's left-handed and her thank-you notes for gifts are illegible.  The fact that she sent the wrong message modeling at important functions in a cheap Vera Wang knock-off is besides the point.  Although I did suggest to her that she might want to get off the thin mints.  She took it very personally."

The SJG says the charges of insubordination and wardrobe offenses are an attempt to cover up the initial complaints about her Thin Mint habit. "They really made weight a big eff'n thing in the beginning of this," she told the Today Show. "I think they're trying to cover up for their mistake.  I've been eating thin mints since I was a Girl Scout selling them door to door to support my family.  I'm not about to stop now."

7 comments:

  1. I have it on good authority that eating frozen Girl Scout Thin Mints Cookies have the same health benefits as steamed brocolli over tofu. No really. Just try it. Trust me.

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  2. Thin Mints are the new Vitamin C. Spread the word!

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  3. Just be glad she didn't discover the Tagalongs. The tonnage displacement could throw the Earth off its axis.

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  4. Oops. Got my own URL wrong. For more on the fabulous Barry M. Grey, go to http://movieplacesinla.wordpress.com/

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  5. Barry M. Grey, you have made me geschrei with laughter. Tagalongs! Who told!

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  6. Ok, now you are officially under my therapeutic treatment program. Send all unopened boxes to me NOW. You'll feel so much better as will your husband, dog and any other proximate friends with hands reaching for the cookie jar. Please send in brown wrapper to my personal attention for reasons listed above. You're welcome.

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