Thursday, March 31, 2011
"Okay if I come for breakfast?"
"Only if you give me hugs and kisses."
"I can do that."
A few minutes later, he arrives. Thanks to SJG Apartment Finders, Inc., he's conveniently located down the street. He delivers the mandatory outpouring of affection, and takes over the kitchen. He's heating a croissant, grabbing lunch supplies, making himself a noon-time feast to bring to work.
"Going so soon?"
"Gotta get gas."
Dusty and I follow him to the door. "Dinner tonight?"
"Maybe. Probably not. I'll let you know."
I'll be waiting by the phone.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:53 AM
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Every time I see a photo of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson together, my instant reaction is, 'Yuck," followed by, "Big Mistake." Does that make me a judgmental bitch, or a concerned gal who predicts heartbreak and public humiliation for Scarlett?
Judgy in Sherman Oaks
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:20 AM
Sunday, March 27, 2011
In an on-going effort to stay fit, the SJG pushes the limits of what this aging body can do, and what it can do depends on forces beyond my control. There are days when I should seriously join the Marines, I'm so freakin' strong, so ready to kick ass it's just wrong. There are other days when I should hire a stand-in. In the role of the SJG, I give you, Olympic figure skater Kristy Yamaguchi.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:28 AM
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
|"The Book of Mormon" starring the SJG (that's me in the pink)|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:00 AM
Thursday, March 24, 2011
|Kiss or I'll shoot!|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:26 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
|Dick & Liz in "Private Lives"|
In the early 80s, brother John and the SJG went to the late, great Shubert in Century City to see Short Jewish Gal Liz Taylor (she converted at the age of 27) and Richard Burton in "Private Lives." It was campy and over the top and a big thrill.
|Those lips, those eyes|
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Dethroned Mrs. Sherman Oaks Carol Starr Schneider, aka the SJG, claimed pageant organizers told her to "get off the thin mints" because the beauty no longer looked good in a bikini, the Associated Press reported.
Linda Bloomstein, president of the Mrs. Sherman Oaks organization, said that a recent bikini photo of the SJG yielded "unusable" pictures and couldn't be airbrushed, because the once-stunning mother of two gained a couple pounds of Girl Scout cookie tonnage. "I couldn't help myself," said the SJG. "They're so good."
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:28 AM
Sunday, March 20, 2011
|Scout and Dusty: Two Labs in Luv|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 11:56 AM
Saturday, March 19, 2011
|Desperately Seeking Renee|
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
This morning, I come downstairs to find a bottle of Bushmills on the kitchen table. I look at hubby. "What up with the whiskey?" "I'm bringing it to work." "Is that allowed?" "Consider it a gray area." "There isn't much left in the bottle." "I'm buying more." "When does the fun start?" "Nine o'clock." "Pace yourself." "Don't worry." "Have you met me?" "It's just a fun promo tradition started many years ago. Irish Whiskey makes the promos better. We make Irish coffee and the day seems to go much faster. Of course, we limit the intake. The mixture is simple: Bushmills, sugar, coffee and whip cream. It's heaven in a cup." "Are you telling me you're Irish?" "Today I am."
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:19 AM
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
It has taken me years to get used to the people who walk around, talking loudly into tiny phone mics. Years to figure out they're not talking to themselves, there's someone on the other end, listening -- along with everyone else at the market, post office, name your location. This particular advance in technology creeps the SJG out. Do I want to hear you kvetching about your various medical conditions and parole violations while I'm out doing errands? Let me think about that. No.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:10 AM
Sunday, March 13, 2011
|They deliver cookies... and other stuff|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:27 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I went to "Rango" to find the funny. I found a little, but not enough. I went home and called my dad, a funny, funny guy. He wasn't feeling the funny. Drank some wine to find the funny. Got a funny buzz in my keppie. Hubby and I went to PayTV to find the funny. "Morning Glory," a movie that tanked, made us laugh, it was so funny. Today I asked him, "Was it really that funny or did we need it to be funny?" "Funny is funny," he said. And we left it at that.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:07 AM
Friday, March 11, 2011
|"...and then you'll go to the grocery store."|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:48 AM
Thursday, March 10, 2011
|Future Broadway Star|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:12 AM
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Leslie: "It worries me so when he stops his heart this way. It's
over three hours, isn't it?" Anna: "Yes. But it does relax him."
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:23 AM
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
|The SJG: The Blonde Years|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:07 AM
Monday, March 7, 2011
|Look out for the dog bone!|
I'm seriously considering taking my pooch to court, after I went boom in the kitchen, on an account of his dumb ol' doggy bone. One minute I was up, the next I was down. Splat! I'm pretty sure he left it on the floor, just to eff with me. If Mr. Don't-Look-At-Me doesn't apologize by this afternoon, I plan to take action. Can you recommend a good attorney?
Klutzy in Sherman Oaks
I hear the law firm of Barker, Barker & Woofstein is excellent.
|Oh, so it's my fault?|
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:49 AM
Friday, March 4, 2011
|Put the hammer down, Charles. It's all good!|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:04 AM
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Some crazy dude on TV keeps ranting about tiger blood, fire-breathing fists and healing himself in an hour. He lives in a big mansion and has lots of cars. Does the newly-formed SJG Internet Dating Service have this man in its octagon? I'm dying to become his third goddess. Can you arrange?
No eff'n way.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:01 AM
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:06 AM