The rapper known as Scott D sends me a text: "The Avengers was really funny! I want to marry Ms. Johansson." I text back: "I hear she's available. And Jewish! You have my blessing." Of course, I realize I may have jumped the gun. I'm not 100 percent positive she's Jewish. I better verify this important info. I wouldn't want to mislead the lovestruck Santa Cruznik. So I drop in on one of my favorite websites:
Jew Or Not Jew and here's what I learn: "
Count Scarlett Johansson on the list of people whose Jewishness
first totally surprises us, but is quickly accepted and celebrated. But "Johansson"? That's a bit Nordic to be Jewish, isn't it? If that's
Jewish, shouldn't we be profiling the rest of Scandinavia? The answer to that is simple; if other Norwegian, Swedish or, as in this
case, Danish Johanssons married Jewish women, we would gladly profile
their offspring on this website, provided their resume is as
accomplished as Scarlett's. Will that happen? We doubt it; not because
of the Johanssons' aversion of Jewish women, but because Scarlett has
set the bar pretty high for these Nordic Jews.That said, we welcome all gorgeous Danes, Swedes, and Norwegians to try
to beat Scarlett's standard. Far be it from us to discourage such a
noble cause.
Verdict: Jew." Is it too soon to start planning the wedding?
Yes; but it's ok for hope to spring eternal in Mom's most important post-college responsibility on behalf of their children.
ReplyDeleteI'm a dreamer. Or, as Debbie Reynolds says in, "In and Out," "I need a wedding. It's like crack."
ReplyDelete