Happy Early Mother's Day

Over at the palatial estate of the SJG, featured on the cover of this month's "KVETCH" magazine, the celebration of mothers will commence.  My peeps.  Such an unconventional group of noshers.  Why wait till Sunday when we can nosh on bagels and lox and the famous, highly-caloric SJG Blintz Casserole one day before the appointed Hallmark event?  The underlying fear:  if we wait till Sunday, all the best bagels in the Valley will be gone, and that, my friends, would be tragic.  Years ago, after that unfortunate incident at the late-semi-great Webby's Bakery, I vowed, as God is my witness, to never go without fresh bagels on Mother's Day again.  You see, there'd been a run on bagels at Webby's, and what they had left looked questionable at best.  "Are these fresh?" I asked the grump behind the counter.  "How should I know if they're fresh?" he said. "Either they're fresh or they're not fresh."  Excuse me for living!  It was certainly the most sarcastic sales pitch I'd ever received.  "Well," I said, "you just lost this customer."  Then I turned on my heels and high-tailed it out of that dang deli.  Today there will be the freshest of bagels.  There will be pithy discussions.  The titillating, wackadoodle Time Magazine cover.  The Lakers.  The four-week luxury European cruise none of us will be taking.  These will be just some of the hot topics we'll examine.  And, as I do every Mother's Day, I shall regale the group with a lengthy interpretative dance, during which I reenact the joys of giving birth to two bouncing baby boychicks. Happy Early Mother's Day to one and all.