Quickies

On the way to the Met

Sometimes, art is worth schlepping in the rain to see.  I walk and walk and walk to the Metropolitan Museum of You-Know-What.   By the time I arrive, I'm sopping wet, despite my raincoat and umbrella.  In NYC, I've lost my ability to keep dry in the rain.  Sherman Oaks rain is much gentler.  NYC rain is a little pushy.  I get in line outside the museum and get wetter.  I go inside and fight my way through crowds so I can consume art:  The Schiaperelli-Prada exhibit. I see a Prada dress decorated with crushed bottle caps.  I see crazy shoes and hats.  I offer commentary to total strangers who don't speak English.  They look at me funny.  I'm having a very bad hair day.  I'd laugh at me too.  I move on to gobble art that Gertrude Stein and her brother collected, before Picasso and Matisse commanded the big bucks.  Smart Jews.  I'm so impressed with their smartness, I take forbidden photos till a guard snaps, "Hey!  SJG!  No freakin' photos!" "Oopsie," I say.

Picasso:  The Blue Period

Matisse.  Pretty, pretty Matisse.

Now I need a nosh.  I stand in another line for 40 minutes just to get a salad.  To pass the time, I talk to total strangers.  "Can you believe this line?"  The couple in front of me look at me funny.  They don't speak English.  I eat a salad not worth 40 minutes of waiting.  I share my table with two ladies who do speak English.  We bond.  We say goodbye.  I see more art.  Then I spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to leave.  I ask the guards.  "How do I get out of here?"  "Look for the exit signs."  Helpful, as always.  On the long walk back to the hotel, in the rain, I decide it's time to guilt a certain family member who made promises he can't keep. "Hi, Daddy.  It's raining."  "I'm boiling an egg."  "Did you hear the part about it's raining?"  "Can you call back?"  "Sure.  Don't worry about me.  I'll just keep trudging through the downpour."   A half hour later, I call him again.  "Hi, Daddy.  Done with the eggs?"  "Just cleaning up.  Sorry about the rain."  "That's okay.  I don't blame you for it.  I blame you for other things."

"One Man, Two Guvnors"

The day ends with no rain -- guilt!  a magical thing! -- and a screamingly hilarious British farce.  I'm a happy, no longer soggy SJG.  Today I will do my hair and hope for the best.