Thursday, May 24, 2018

My Chart of Adorable Persistence

Some may call it pushy. Others -- as in the two people I've given birth to  -- naggy. But I like to think of it as adorably persistent. That's the SJG in a matzoh box. Adorably persistent. In this weird, no rules universe we currently occupy, it's hard to get anyone to respond in a timely fashion. A gal who clings to the borders of neurosis could start to feel a wee bit insecure. Rather than sit back and feel ignored, I take action. I turn to my Chart of Adorable Persistence. I monitor when I sent the last unrequited email reminder of my existence. More than two weeks? Hello, I'm back. Sometimes I come right out with, "Hi, it's me, guilting you. What am I, chop liver?" I blame my father for this ridiculous approach. He never gave a crap what anyone thought and wanted me to be the same way. When I was first starting out in show biz, he'd advise me to write outrageous notes to TV producers. His logic: "You have nothing to lose." The note that stands out, because it actually worked once or twice: "Hire me or you'll never work in this town again, and this comes from someone with absolutely no influence whatsoever."

These days, instead of sending notes, I write a silly email: "I know you can't stop thinking about me. I have that effect on people." Sometimes it works. Sometimes not so much. At least I gave it a shot. In a perfect world, I'd pick up a phone. But no one does that anymore. Too old school, right? Well, yesterday I gave it a shot. I called a wonderful human who's busier than anyone I've ever met in my life. I figured after two emails and a text, what's the worst that could happen? He lets it go to voicemail? He blocks my call? In my career, I've been through much worse than that. So I called. And... brace yourself... he answered. "I'm not ignoring you!" he said. "So you don't mind me being adorably persistent?" "Not at all." Boy, is he in trouble. He just gave me permission to stay adorably persistent till I run out of steam, which, according to my calculations, is a few years from now, when I downgrade to exhaustedly tireless.

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