My Coat of Arms

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(Sherman Oaks) A very special coat of many arms has been created for the Short Jewish Gal after she watched Meg and Harry's fancy-schmancy wedding, you know, the one she wasn't invited to? The design of the SJG's arms was agreed to and approved by the SJG herself, and Mr. Sheldon Knockonwood (Primary Schlepper of Arms, San Fernando Valley). The decision to give the SJG (nee Carolita in an '58 Oldsmobile) her own coat of many arms breaks with Jewish tradition, as it is typically given to no one ever. As she sat on her sofa, she had this to say about that: "As far as I know, I'm the first Jew with my own coat of many arms. Most coat owners prefer two arms, but I say, 'Where's the fun in that? Go big or go home.' By the way, home is the only place I've been this week, what with the nasty cold I've been nursing, courtesy of NYC and Angsty Airlines, so I came up with this idea, with a little help from Sheldon, and may I just say, 'Winner!' If it ever gets cold enough, I can't wait to wear it."