(Sherman Oaks) Rabbis from around the world have gathered in the home of the Short Jewish Gal to help pick the next pope. "Nobody asked our opinion, so we decided to give it, anyway," said Rabbi Lionel Epstein of Temple Beth Sherman Oaks. "The Short Jewish Gal was nice enough to offer her lovely home for our conclave. We hear she serves a kugel to die for, and her coffee is an Oh My God." Asked by a reporter why she opened up her home to the rabbis, the SJG put it succinctly. "I sent an invite. They all RSVP'd. If that's not a miracle, what is? So what if it's a little crowded in here, and my dog is a little thrown by all the commotion? He's never seen so many rabbis in one place. I made sure to tell all the nice men and women to hang on to their yarmulkes and especially their socks, or the Short Jewish Dog will steal them when they're not looking. That goes double for shoes, sandals and tallises. Anything with fringe drives my dog totally meshuga. So far, the rabbis are adhering to the rules, but I'm sure at some point, one of them will slip off the Pradas, kick back for a nap, the kippah will drop and Dusty will make his move. But listen, there's only so much I can do, right?" Rabbi Abby Plotnick of Temple Beth Einstein said that the rabbis were leaning toward a specific pope, but didn't want to name names. "It's a little early for that, plus we want it to be a surprise," she said, in between bites of kugel. "Have you tasted this? It's fabulous. I must get the recipe. Anyway, we're still trying to get the SJG's fireplace ready for the big reveal. When we make a decision, we want to send up a little smoke without violating local environmental restrictions. We're very careful that way. But I can tell you this. The candidate who's getting the most heat over here is the one who's best for the Jews."
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